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Defy Fate

Voice Post: Wed, Jan. 3rd, 2007, 03:00 am

VoicePost
942K 4:54
“(( Read, or listen to, previous post before this one. ))

For long posts, this doesn't give you nearly enough time. There's just a little bit more, but I think it's important to complete what I was saying.

I actually wrote something that basically is for each of those people. What it says is the same thing I feel for each of those persons. It's not good. It has no structure to it, but it's important... And it makes me feel really goofy to read it, but I'm going to put aside my concern for how it makes me look and read it anyways. And it goes...

Can't sleep
Thoughts racing through my mind
Can't see
You standing there staring down at me
Can't cry
The last of the tears has already dried
Can't talk
Cuz my throat closed when I tried to explain what I need

Where are the words to explain how I feel?
Lost in the transition between my mind and my tongue
How do I find a way to escape
when the path to salvation is covered in glass?

Can't remember
What it used to be like between us
Can't find
Anyplace better to be
Can't dream
Of a world without you

...That's... pretty much it. I think it's incomplete, but it's not going anywhere. This isn't something I'm gonna keep. It's just something I felt that the people needed to hear, for the couple of them... for two of them who I know still go onto my journal every once in a while... but, I do hope to hear from them.

I guess that's it... I dunno... I just want to thank everybody who's stuck through... stuck through me being a chaotic emotional mess and also a dumbass... I mean, that's pretty much what I was, was a huge dumbass. And I still don't know why people stuck through it. I mean, what makes me special? I'm sure there's other people out there who deserve the kind of dedication that others give me... Maybe they see something I don't. I mean... I dunno... I really don't know... Everything confuses me lately. Reading through the journal has made me question a lot of stuff about how I came to be who I am today. I dunno... I say that a lot, I do, but I mean... everybody deserves a thank you. The people I listed, you know, Christina, Brooke, and Tiffany. But also Adrian and Phoenix. They were both there to support me many times. I don't know... I'm at work, so I really can't attach myself to this post with the emotion I'd like to, cuz that would look kind of odd... I guess I'm gonna leave it at that, but if you listen to this post first, go back and listen to the one just below this one, cuz that gives this one... it makes this one make sense. I mean, anybody can listen to it. All my posts have been public. I mean, I've never made anything on my journal private. I felt that was important. But I want Christina, and I want Brooke, and if Tiffany glances at this I want her to listen to it as well, because it's important. It's VERY important that those people understand what I'm trying to say. And that's it... I guess, goodbye.”

Transcribed by: rustrose

Comments

I love you, Patrick, and I hope you keep up the introspection and continue to make me proud. (( hugs ))

and don't forget that you have done some worthwhile things in your life. We can't change the past, only make ourselves stronger people in the present.
::switches accounts to her own before giving you a great big hug:: You're just worth it big guy. Even if you think you're not after looking at your more asshilic tendencies ::wry grin:: You do fine.
Everyone is a dumb ass from time to time..:)
I have trophies :)

But being aware of everything is much more important..
So few people in the world really are..

Defy Fate

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